You know you are the Parent of a Young Child when...
- You have ever used a baby monitor as a walkie-talkie. “Dude! We are out of diapers/wipes/patience up here. Come quick!”
- Seeing a movie in the theater and taking long, hot showers are rare luxuries.
- You play rock, paper, scissors, lizard, Spock over changing the next soiled diaper.
- You rarely wear clothing that cannot be easily wiped clean of bodily fluids.
- A diaper bag is your new little black dress or “man purse,” as the case may be.
- The consistency, frequency and odor of poop are frequent topics of casual conversation.
- You plan your days around another person’s sleep schedule.
- Your living room resembles a day care center in the aftermath of a cyclone.
- You develop hair pulling and pinch deflecting moves that rival the best mixed martial artists.
- Your spouse calls you at work to inform you that your child now knows what sound a cow makes. You consider drafting a press release.
- You marvel at the versatility of the baby wipe. Perhaps it can cure cancer?
- You have strong opinions about diaper pails.
- You have ever hastily ripped out the batteries to a repetitive children’s toy while quietly muttering obscenities to yourself.
- You have had to be peeled off the ceiling after being startled by a toy’s sudden, unexpected sound or movement in the middle of the night.
- You know all of the words to [fill in the blank] children’s CD, as it is the only thing that magically captivates your child during long car trips.
Developmentally Speaking
You probably expect me to regale you with cute anecdotes about how precocious and above average our 16-month-old daughter, Kate, is. But I won’t. Kate is fairly average thus far. She rolled over at 5 months, crawled at 8 months, pulled herself to standing soon later and took her first steps at 11 months. At 16 months, she mostly babbles but says enough words to satisfy her pediatrician and uses sign language to say even more. So what if she sticks her index finger in her mouth when we ask her where her nose is? It’s perfectly normal that she likes to stick a bucket on her head and wander around the house bumping into things and giggling about it, right? She frequently walks on tip toes and admires the view between her legs in the downward dog yoga pose. I swear I did not teach her to make farting noises with her mouth pressed against the leather couch backs, either. And doesn’t every 15-month-old devour a chunk of raw, ginger and soy-infused tofu, miso soup and a whole bowl of pickled ginger while her parents have sushi?
Kate also has awesome taste in literature—“I Love you Stinky Face,” “The Very Hungry Caterpillar,” and “Hands, Hands, Fingers, Thumb” are certainly tops. But she also appreciates other perennial classics like “Goodnight, Moon,” and “Brown Bear, Brown Bear, What do you See?” Gloria and I started a 2-person book club. Unfortunately, unlike Kate, we have yet to finish a single book.
Recently, Kate has even cultivated a quiet reverence for “The Muppet Show” when she rarely pays TV much attention, otherwise. And my smart brother chose a Sit and Spin as a Christmas present for her this year. It is not the Sit and Spin of ‘80s yore, though. This thing plays a mixture of upbeat popular music and techno, so she can practice what it feels like to attend a rave. She even giggles and staggers drunkenly after playing with it for a while and now enjoys spinning around while standing in place, until she falls down. Her favorite CD is definitely Ziggy Marley’s children’s reggae music, “Family Time.” That thing is like toddler crack! One moment tears and whining, the next moment smiles and squeals and then car seat sleep.
Soon after being introduced to solid foods, we opened the stinky pureed meat food jar, and smart girl hated it. To those of you who have no experience, it resembled something worse than SPAM salad or cat food. While still not a major fan of beef, she now enjoys pork, lamb and seafood of all kinds, especially if loads of garlic, ginger or tomato sauce is involved.
Around Easter, she began crawling and almost immediately cruising throughout the living room. At her Great-Grandma Rosalie’s, she did repeated laps around the coffee table to cheers.
Road Trip!
In March, we took a pilgrimage to Virginia Beach and DC to visit Kate’s Gram and Uncle Bill. On the way, we took a detour to see Chris’s alma mater—James Madison University in Harrisonburg, VA. While there, we stayed with the gorgeous and extremely hospitable Showalter family. Unfortunately, Kate redecorated their couch with her vomit. Poor Chris soon followed suit.
Interests and Inactivities
In June, we realized that Kate was a bit too young for the Frederick Meijer Children’s Gardens . But we enjoyed the flowers, sculptures and strollercise, regardless.
We celebrated the 4th of July in Mason with my Mom and Stepdad, watching the parade of large farm equipment and the Ingham County fireworks from our backyard. Unfortunately, despite our countermeasures, this also resulted in a particularly rousing attack of the merciless mosquitoes.
In July, we got to spend some time with old friends and their families--the Bells and the Aggarwals, who were in town visiting their families. Kate also experienced her first boating trip on Pine Lake courtesy of our neighbors, the Langones. “Go! Go! Go!” she seemed to instruct the Captain Jay, excitedly.
Meanwhile, Chris was consumed with constructing our self-proclaimed backyard “deck of ill repute” with the generous help of neighbors and friends. My brother, Trey, also came to stay with us to take care of Kate while Chris labored during the week. Kate adored spending time with her uncle and took her first steps during his visit.
A Man in Uniform
While enjoying ice cream at Turtle Tom's in downtown Mason, Kate spotted a uniformed Mason Police Officer standing in line for some ice cream. She promptly made eye contact with him and began beckoning him toward her with her index finger. He slowly saddled up alongside her to greet her and gave her a police badge sticker. She was beyond thrilled, and we never saw her do that to anyone before or since. What can we say? She likes men in uniform.
Kate Graduates to Toddlerhood; Cats Stage Boycott
In August, we commemorated Kate’s first birthday with a Winnie the Pooh themed party and BBQ lunch at our house with family and neighbors. We stripped her down to her diaper and placed her own personal chocolate cake on her high chair tray for her to devour with her hands. My Aunt commented that this should be a birthday tradition well into our adult years. I agree. On her actual birthday, Kate got shots and not the fun kind.
As Kate gained increased mobility and independence, both of our cats developed UTIs and an aversion to peeing in the litter box, once treated. After a weekend ER visit, our older fat cat was diagnosed with diabetes and now receives 2 insulin shots per day from Chris. My one and only attempt at sticking her resulted in malpractice as evidenced by the yowling. Our younger cat is apparently depressed and/or anxious, since Kate learned to walk and more easily chase and torment him. He began marking when he never did before. So, now our smallest furry family member is on anti-depressants. He is not yet seeing a therapist. Too bad cats cannot qualify for Medicare or benefit from health care reform.
Furlough Fridays Fun
The summer and fall were consumed with state budget woes. Since I am a state government employee, we experienced another suspenseful night on September 30th, wondering if we would have another state government shutdown based on the legislature’s inability to reach a compromise on balancing the budget by the constitutional deadline. During the summer, because of the deficit, we took 6 involuntary unpaid furlough days. At least they resulted in long weekends, sometimes around paid holidays. We took advantage of those days to visit the Ablers over Labor Day weekend in Manitowoc, WI. This year was special, because we got to watch Kate interact with their two boys, one of whom is only 1 month older than Kate. However, I am thankful to have a job at all.
This year, Chris honed his photography skills by shooting weddings throughout the summer and fall, including one he shot by himself in Lansing. He is excited to continue doing so in the coming year.
For my birthday, we managed to exploit Detroit’s first annual restaurant week to have a hugely discounted meal at Opus One in downtown Detroit. Unfortunately, around the same time, I somehow managed to injure my pelvic joint during a yogalates class at the Y. Happy Birthday to me. I am still not quite right. But you all already knew that.
The Great Pumpkin, Kate Monster
In October, Kate’s Gram visited for a week while we prepared for Halloween and attended Chris’s first Mason Orchestral Society concert of the season at MSU. Gram also taught Kate the ever amusing "happy face/angry face" routine which provides hours of entertainment for adults and toddler alike. They constructed a large wooden painted witch for our front porch that slightly disturbed and/or impressed our neighbors with its size and intricacy. Kate took her first trip to Uncle John’s Cider Mill and helped pick out our big pumpkin. Unfortunately, once it became a Jack ‘o Lantern, it transformed into a scary monster that eats cute toddlers. Later that month, we saw Robin Williams: Weapons of Self Destruction live at the MSU Auditorium and relished the brief child-free excursion.
Kate was an actual “Kate Monster” for Halloween. She was very scary in her puffy pink outfit complete with horns and large feet. After watching her valiant efforts at unwrapping some of the candy she received from trick or treating, we opened a few miniature chocolate bars and gave her a sample. She could not stop with the “Mmmmmm-ing!” And she cried between bites, because we could not get them to her lips fast enough for her liking. She now does this in response to me demonstrating how much I like a particularly healthy fruit or vegetable I want her to try.
Kate’s Great-Grandma Jo survived 2 major surgeries to remove colon cancer and correct the incision site this year. She is now recovering and living with my Dad and Stepmom in northern Michigan. We wish her continued healing and an improved quality of life.
Kate’s Uncle Bill dropped in for a visit during a working tour of US cities in November. In no time, Kate was reaching up to him and climbing all over him in glee.
Spirit of Christmas
Later in November, I took a squirmy screaming Kate to the Mason Orchestral Society’s Christmas concert to watch her Dada play and the Lansing Civic Players act out a few skits. We think she may have to stay home for future concerts, until she gets a bit older, but it got me in the Christmas spirit, and she made a few older ladies giggle.
Over Thanksgiving, we traveled up north to celebrate an early Christmas with my Dad’s family. Being the only tot in the family, she received a ridiculous amount of toys and clothes. In fact, she had to take a nap while we continued opening her presents without her.
Like a true dieting martyr, I began a new campaign to lose 35 pounds within the next 9 months or so just before Thanksgiving. After a brief hiatus, I am back on track and have lost 11 pounds so far just by restricting calories and keeping an on-line food journal. This should be a bit easier now that Chris stopped the continuous baking of Armenian shortbread cookies and key lime cheese cakelets!
Annual Wins and Losses
This year, we lost Michael Jackson and Edward Kennedy among many other notables. Obama increased the number of troops in Afghanistan but set a goal for withdrawal in 2011 AND won the Nobel Peace Prize. We followed the train wrecks that were the Gosselin family and Octomom. Perhaps having extreme multiples is an indication of other ailments. Boo on Carrie Prejean with her fake boobs, beauty queen crown and support of Proposition 8. And I must snicker a bit at SC Governor Mark Sanford’s “hike” along the Appalachian Trail of lies. He may have met his “soul mate” in Argentina, but he also lost his mind and political career. At least his wife, the apparent brains behind his political success, landed a Vogue interview and a book deal out of it. And she didn’t go all Tiger Woods’s wife on his ass, either.
And how can we forget poor, vomiting balloon boy, Falcon Heene. First of all, who names their son Falcon? At least his parents were sentenced to non-consecutive jail terms, so they can keep better track of all of their children in the future.
Also in 2009, “Wise Latina” Sonia Sotomayor became a new U.S. Supreme Court Justice. We worried about H1N1 and stalked public health departments for our share. “Birthers” questioned President Obama’s origin, and we questioned their ability to read. We watched the U.S. Legislature debate and ultimately pass a version of healthcare reform and the Michigan Legislature hem and haw over state budget cuts. Cash for Clunkers was a smashing success. My, what a large Stimulus Package you have there!
Groovy Train
Kate’s Gram and uncles Bill and Matthew visited us over Christmas. Much to our surprise and delight, Uncle Bill presented Chris and our whole family with an elaborate Lionel Train set modeled after the Polar Express to start our own family tradition. This reduced Chris to tears, as he thought of his late Father and his childhood love of train sets. Kate loves to make it whistle and will even control the train herself and then squeal and run away to Mama. We are proud of our budding conductor.
Well, we hope you enjoyed our little year-end review, despite its lack of colonoscopy, childbirth and kidney stone references. Off we go to crash a Presidential Ball or two.
From June 10-13, we visited Mackinac Island and stayed at the historic Grand Hotel, so that I could attend a professional conference. Our hotel stay included daily full breakfasts, a ridiculous lunch buffet and 5-course dinners with live music. Unfortunately, we usually only made it to the 4th course before Kate declared "all done," and gestured to be removed from her high chair. She danced in her seat to the live music, making the staff giggle. When one of the nearly all Jamaican staff asked her what her name was, she replied, "me!" Of course!
