Newborn Wrangling Advice.

As many people are fond of saying, newborns do not arrive home from the hospital or birthing center with an instruction manual, much to the chagrin of newly minted parents. And most prenatal classes focus on pregnancy and labor and delivery with one session on "newborn care." In fact, my Mom told me that she attended many Lamaze classes in the seventies and read all sorts of pregnancy literature, but it slipped her mind to learn or read anything about childcare before I arrived. Luckily, her Mom was there to teach her the ropes.

Almost as soon as the home pregnancy test displays a plus sign, well-meaning folks begin dispensing with parenting advice. Swaddle your child to help her sleep/swaddling your child can cause SIDS, Co-sleeping is best/Co-sleeping is not safe, respond promptly to all her cries/let her cry herself to sleep (i.e., the Ferber method), follow the CDC's immunization schedule/avoid some immunizations, do XYZ to help your child sleep through the night/allow her to develop her own sleeping schedule, feed her on schedule every 2-3 hours/feed her on demand, etc. The only consistent messages we hear: 1. Do not shake the baby, 2. Back to sleep, tummy to play, 3. Use a rear-facing car seat until at least 20 pounds and 12 months old, and 4. Breastfeeding is good. What I learned in my short tenure as a Mom is that one size does not fit all, and people are extremely opinionated about these issues, but it is a good idea to at least listen to it, do your own independent research, and decide what works best for your family.

So far, we are blessed with a relatively predictable newborn who does not cry inconsolably for three hours a day (the hallmark of true colic.) Farts loudly and frequently while whining in displeasure? Check. Burps loud enough to cause a room full of day care workers and children turn around and take notice? Check. Produces enough spit-up to fill a bottle nearly every day? You betcha!

For us, we found the following advice most useful:

• Dr. Harvey Karp's "The Happiest Baby on the Block" DVD: http://thehappiestbaby.com/. He explains that the first 3 months of life are really like the 4th trimester of pregnancy. To soothe your newborn, you must create an environment similar to the womb by using the 5 "S's": Swaddling, Place baby on her Side or Stomach, Shushing her in her ear, Swinging, and Sucking. Kate responds best to swaddling, sucking her pacifier and swinging, but sometimes the others help ease her to sleep or at least out of a cryfest, too.

• White noise. Our friend, M, suggested investing in a white noise machine to help Kate fall and stay asleep, and it totally works. We bought ours from Target: http://www.target.com/Conair-Infant-Sound-Machine-SU7/dp/B000EXTWHA/sr=1-15/qid=1225119387/ref=sr_1_15/179-3486258-1850628?ie=UTF8&index=target&rh=k%3Awhite%20noise&page=1.

• Learn how to decipher the difference between her cries. Kate actually makes different noises and exhibits different body language when she is hungry vs. overtired vs. in pain. http://www.parents.com/baby/care/crying-colic/why-is-baby-crying/. One Australian woman even studied many newborns for patterns in their crying: http://www.babyzone.com/baby/nurturing/crying/photos_decode_baby_cries/2. 1. "Neh/Nah" means hungry, 2. "Owh" produced with a mouth shaped similar to a yawn means tired, 3. Repetitive "eh-eh-eh" means "burp me!", 4. "eeerrrhhh" means she has gas, and 5. "heh" means she is uncomfortable. Once you learn the sounds and body language specific to your baby, it is sometimes possible to catch the request before it escalates to screaming.

• Most helpful books: What to Expect the First Year, by Heidi Murkoff, http://www.whattoexpect.com/store/ProductDisplayDetail.aspx (the infant care bible) and Baby Bargains, by Denise and Alan Fields, http://www.windsorpeak.com/babybargains/ (find out what gear is best for your money and what you can skip.)

• Most helpful web sites/magazines: http://www.parenting.com/ (home of Babytalk and Parenting magazines and covers nearly every child care topic and controversy in a non-judgmental way); http://www.parents.com/ (home of American Baby, Family Circle and Parents magazines); What to Expect the First Year, http://www.whattoexpect.com/first-year/landing-page.aspx (companion to the book); ivillage, http://parenting.ivillage.com/; CDC Vaccinations, http://www.cdc.gov/vaccines/ (get the facts); American Academy of Pediatrics, http://www.aap.org/ (child health and safety); U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission, http://www.cpsc.gov/ (check for baby gear and toy recalls), the La Leche League, http://www.llli.org/nb.html (breastfeeding advice and support).

• Sign up for newsletters and coupons at baby product web sites and stores like Target, Walmart, Babies 'r Us, Gerber, Similac, Enfamil, Pampers, Huggies, etc. Each company wants to get you hooked on their product or store, so they will give you free samples and coupons at every turn.

• Do not forget to take care of yourselves postpartum. Moms and Dads need to eat right, find romantic time together, time apart, and try to find time for exercise, even if you do it with your newborn. I am already kinda laughing at the notion of playing patty cake with Kate while doing lunges, but hey, I am willing to try it. She already thinks her Mommy is a bit nuts.

I am sure there is more that I just cannot recall at this moment. Please feel free to share your advice and/or favorite resources.

Two Months Old!

Our Kate Monster suddenly became a 2 month old this past Sunday. She is 23 inches long (75th percentile) and 11.5 pounds (60th percentile.) She was 8 pounds, 13 ounces and 21 1/4 inches long one month ago.

Unfortunately, she also has a cold. I was surprised to learn that infants typically suffer from 6-10 upper respiratory infections per year--more in day care settings. At least she is building up her immune system early!

She also endured her first major round of vaccinations well. We held her hands, she screamed briefly, and then C distracted her with her bottle. Perhaps my telling her that it would only hurt for a few seconds proved ineffective.

Birth Day

While on maternity leave, I often watched the Discovery Health Channel to avoid the many talk shows, soap operas and mind numbing female-centric TV movies that dominate daytime television. They have a string of shows concerning pregnancy and child birth. One called "Birth Day," http://health.discovery.com/tv-schedules/series.html?paid=62.5711.107816.14984.13, chronicles a pregnant couple's big day in the hospital and never fails to make me cry at the moment of birth, especially if it was a difficult or risky delivery.

Our own birth day experience was also beset with difficulties and risks. Early on in my pregnancy, I was diagnosed with chronic hypertension and put on a blood pressure lowering medication. For several months, the medication worked to keep my blood pressure within the normal range. Although everything else was normal, I had to have more frequent ultrasounds and fetal non-stress tests to monitor fetal growth and activity, because it was considered a high risk pregnancy.

At my 36 week appointment, the doctor discovered a significant amount of protein in my urine for the first time. In addition, my blood pressure was elevated. That day, I was given a large jug and what looked like a plastic helmet to collect all of my pee for 24 hours. On the morning I was to turn in my pee project for testing, my blood pressure spiked higher than it had before, prompting a call to the on-call doctor. He wanted to see me at the hospital to triage the situation. A couple of hours later, they discharged me, because my pressure stabilized, and my blood work came back normal. A couple of hours later, the doctor called with the news that they found even more protein in my big jug, meaning that I had preeclampsia. He scheduled an induction for the following evening, and we began making phone calls.

By the date of my induction, I was at an estimated 37 weeks--3 weeks before my estimated due date and not an ideal time to induce. We were aiming for at least 39 weeks, given the risks and the apparent large size of the fetus. At 35 weeks, she measured between 7 and 7.5 pounds already.

Because of the fear that my mild preeclampsia could develop into toxemia and lead to organ failure and/or seizures, my doctor put me on magnesium sulfate at the start of the induction. They inserted cervical ripening drugs at the same time, explaining that, unfortunately, the magnesium sulfate may work against the ripening and contraction-inducing efforts, because it is also used to stop contractions. In addition, it brought nasty side effects like weakness, sweating and breathing problems. Twenty hours later, after 3 cervical ripening drugs and 5 hours on Pitocin, I was still only dilated to 2-3 centimeters. I developed a worrying pain in my chest and had to be hooked up to oxygen. I could no longer find a comfortable position to lay in, and I was hungrier and thirstier than I ever remember being, having not eaten or drank for about 29 hours, except for ice chips and Popsicles.

And no one told me how much their efforts to check my cervix for dilation would hurt! Each time left me breathless and sobbing. When the once strengthening and 3 minutes apart contractions came to a screeching halt, despite the administration of Pitocin, I asked for my options. The doctor explained that some patients continue trying to induce for 3 days. Another option would be to insert some kind of balloon device up my vajay-jay to stimulate my cervix to ripen further. That works even less often than what we had already been trying and sounded, frankly, unpleasant. The last option was to have a C-section.

For some reason, I thought choosing door #3 seemed like the easy way out. However, the drugs they were giving me were showing no signs of progress, and we could wind up doing it for days and still opting for a C-section in the end. I was tired, concerned about the chest pain and nervous about the preeclampsia and magnesium sulfate having negative effects upon me and Kate.

As soon as I said, "Yes, C-section!" they had C in scrubs and me wheeled into the operating room. My whole body trembled as they administered a spinal that worked in minutes to numb my abdomen and lower body. I felt some pulling and tugging but no pain as they made their incisions. At first, I wondered if I should be feeling anything and grew anxious, until I got used to the weirdness. Minutes after they cut through my abdomen and uterus, they were lifting a white liquid covered being out and suctioning her mouth and nose. She barely cried while the pediatrician and nurses assessed her, so I became nervous as they invited C to come over to take her first photographs. I heard the pediatrician explaining that her oxygen levels were low, probably because of her gestational age and that awful magnesium sulfate. As a side bar, the OB/GYN practice group apparently has doctors who disagree about when to use it, and the OB I saw the day before did not recommend its use for me, but the one on call at admission disagreed.

The longest part of the surgery consisted of the next 35 minutes or so to deliver the placenta and stitch me closed. I overheard the doctors discussing a nodule or nodules they found on my ovary. Ah, the pitfalls of being awake at your own surgery. I was too scared to ask anyone about it until my six-week doctor appointment postpartum. Fortunately, they removed the nodules, sent them along with my placenta to pathology, and everything was normal.

While they finished up, they placed Kate on my chest while C snapped away. His tears started earlier when she was first born. I just stared at her in disbelief. Was she really ours? They are going to let us take her home? Her navy blue eyes wide open and seemingly alert, she stared up at me while blowing tiny bubbles of fluid through her mouth. She was not as big as we thought at 7 pounds, 2 ounces and 19.3 inches long.

They wheeled me into recovery just as I started feeling some mild pain at the incision site. Pain meds, please! Kate only had to stay overnight in the nursery to monitor her oxygen saturation, so they brought her to me again briefly. This time, I felt dizzy shortly afterwards and asked C to take her. Even after all that Vicodin and morphine, I still felt normal and not that out of sorts. However, each time the nurse pushed on my uterus, I reflexively tried to smack her hand away because of the intense pain. I remained on magnesium sulfate for the next 12 hours while I negotiated with the new on call doctor to take me off it before the recommended additional 24 hours. I must have eaten 12 Popsicles by morning. Good thing I am not diabetic.

The next few days in the hospital were a blur of visitors, attempts to breastfeed, and learning the ways of this squirmy newborn. I even thought her cries were unique and cute--"Laaaa, Laaaa!" By the 5th day, I was ready to go home and muddle through with our little family. An orderly ceremoniously wheeled me downstairs to the car with Kate draped across my lap trying to stare at the overhead lights whizzing past her field of view. Gaggles of female strangers were cooing and remarking about the amount of hair on her head as we passed. I felt like I won a prize and was taking a victory lap. I suppose I have.

The Story of Us

I was ruminating last night over the fact that Kate Monster would not exist if C and I never met. Although he thinks we still would have met somehow otherwise, if it was not for a dating web site, we would have never known each other.

At 25, I moved back to Michigan after completing law school in Indiana to be closer to my parents, siblings and extended family. I felt sad to leave some strong intellectual and emotional friendships behind along with some unrequited romantic love. Most of my high school and college friends had similarly taken career and education paths that moved them out of state, so I had to create a whole new adult social circle.

I reconnected with a few people via a high school alumni site that led to finding a new, close girlfriend and opened the door to all of her many friends. Then I began trying out new dating web sites on and off for 3 years with varying results. I met a guy who revealed he was not wearing any underwear towards the end of our first meeting, a guy who began rubbing my calf over drinks and many others for whom there was no romantic connection. Fortunately, I also got two long time friends out of the deal. Unfortunately, I grew a bit down on finding lasting love, too.

In October 2004, I traveled to California to stand up in the wedding of my good friends, N and S. Their love story inspired me. They complemented each other and built a strong, affectionate and respectful friendship that I admired and wanted for myself. It finally occurred to me that, if they found it after exiting other painful relationships, I could, too. I returned to Michigan reinvigorated and optimistic. One week later, C sent me an e-mail in response to my profile, and we soon began corresponding.

I looked forward to our frequent e-mail banter every day. After about a month, we spoke on the phone and arranged a first date. Having been through this before, I just hoped that we also had an in-person romantic connection.

In early December 2004, we met for dinner and a comedy show in the Detroit area. I spied him waiting and watching for me in his trench coat and blue shirt, adorable blue eyes sparkling. Over dinner, he reached over to touch my arm, and I knew we also shared the elusive sparks. We spent every weekend together after that for a year, switching off between our homes that were over an hour apart. He cooked me fantastic dinners and desserts, introducing me to new wines and new flavors. We planned all of the outings we had wanted to do with someone special in the past and enjoyed them thoroughly.

On the anniversary of our first date, he proposed with his Grandma's antique engagement ring, we moved in together 3 months later, and we married on an uncommonly warm April evening 16 months after he proposed.

Kate Monster

So, this is our daughter and only child at one day old shot by my husband exactly eight weeks ago. We affectionately refer to her as the "Kate Monster," not because she resembles a monster (whatever that means), but because I relaxed into a final decision to name her Katherine and call her "Kate" while watching the character of the same name perform in Avenue Q, http://www.avenueq.com/about.html, the musical, in celebration of our first wedding anniversary. At that point, Kate was still snug within the confines of my four month pregnant uterus sippin' that amniotic fluid, making me nauseous and noxiously gaseous. (I will seek retribution later in her life by passing gas in her general direction. This will teach her to be a proper lady like me.)

Katherine was also one of my husband's favorite great aunt's names and on my lengthy list of potential girls' names that my husband narrowed down to two. Who knew agreeing on a name would take such effort? Her middle name, Rose, is an iteration of my maternal Grandmother's name and her mother's Armenian name, "Sirvart," which translates to "love rose." We recently discovered that the name combination is rather common in that the owner of a local eatery has it, along with a work friend's dog. Hmmmm....I am sure she will express her uniqueness in other ways. Or we could rename her Kumquat.

Welcome to the Blogosphere!

This posting of one's happenings to a blog is new to me, so please be patient with my first attempts. My intent is to create a one stop shop for updates regarding our little family for our extended family and friends. And if you think that we are cute, witty or smart because of it, feel free to let us know about it.